From the very beginning of this website, I've been receiving email requesting advice. About 80% of the time, the solution I suggest is masturbation. It's become a bit of a joke at my house. (Souffle didn't turn out? Have you tried masturbating?) Since I've always liked money-luck charms, and since my second most common advice doesn't lend itself well to change storage (use more lubrication?), I decided to make a supercharged coinpurse, complete with a pearl to polish for luck.
The Lucky Vulva Coinpurse has a zipper where the vaginal opening would be, to keep your treasures securely contained behind a line of teeth. You can keep other bits and bobs in the intralabial cleftsthe puffy outer lips hold shut quite nicely. A Lucky Vulva would also be a hot place to store tampons and period gear, condoms, or random things you've always wanted to fish out of a vulva.
The materials listed will make a reproduction of the blue sample coinpurse. You can of course pick your own fabrics, or use the same fabric for several parts of the coinpurse. Making up the first one took me about 3 hours.
Only two pattern pieces are required to make this vulva: the basic oval/fish shape, and a trapezoid for the clitoral hood.
Leaving plenty of room around it, trace around a bank card onto a piece of paper. Leaving about 1cm around the card shape, draw an oval or other cunt-like shape around it. Cut out the piece. If you desire symmetricality (it makes assembly simpler), fold your shape in half lengthwise through the center of the card before cutting. This makes the basic pattern piece, with no seam allowance included.
Draw a trapezoid, with the shorter parallel edge at least the width of your zipper, the longer edge about three times that, and the parallel edges about 2-3cm apart. For a longer hood, make the parallel sides further apart. For a fuller hood, make the longer parallel edge longer. Cut out the trapezoid. Again, fold it in half first if you want it to be symmetrical. This makes the clit hood pattern piece, with no seam allowance included.
Remember to add seam allowances to all cut sides.
Be sure to edge any ravelly pieces with pinking shears or a small zigzag stitch.
This is the only tedious part of the entire operation. Once your zipper has lips, you're home free.
Fold labia minora rectangles in half lengthwise, right sides out. Press. Baste along long, cut edge and pull threads to gather as desired. Fold clit hood piece along fold on which it was cut, right side out. Press.
Stack pieces as follows: the right half-A piece of labia minora, face up; then the clit hood, matching a diagonal edge with the center edge of the half-A, with the short edge of the clit hood towards the top (see photo); then the right rectangle, matching the long cut edge with the center edge of the stack. Match right half of the zipper, face down, to the center edge of the stack.
Arrange the labia minora rectangle as desired gather into ruffles, pull fabric into seam allowance to make narrower areas or taper the ends.
Pin pieces in place, and stitch from bottom of zipper to slightly past the bottom edge of the clit hood.
Repeat stacking and sewing with the left half, being sure to include the other side of the clit hood.
Open the zipper and fold entire unit in half with right sides together. Pull the unstitched zipper ends away from the fabric (see photo), and stitch the fabric together along remaining center seam. Trim excess zipper tape and seams.
With the piece unfolded, flatten top edge of clit hood and pin down.
Match center edges of left inside and outside halves, right sides together. Stitch, leaving 3-4cm open at end for stuffing. Fold wrong sides together, matching outside curves. Press. Repeat with right sides.
Stack pieces as follows: The entire mouth unit right side up, with zipper open; then the two halves of the labia majora, outsides facing up and outside curves matching mouth unit; then the back piece right side down. Pin all layers and stitch around the entire outside circumference.
Turn right side out through the zipper to check stitching, then turn inside out again.
On the center edges of the lining halves, fold seam allowance towards the wrong side and press.
Put the halves on the lining oval, right sides together, outside curves matching, and stitch around entire circumference.
Turn the lining right side out and put the wrong-side-out shell inside it. Hand stitch the lining seam allowances to the zipper edges. Turn the whole thing right side out through the zipper.
Sew the bead under the clit hood.
Stuff the labia majora to desired puffiness and sew shut the openings if necessary.
Voila! Fill with assorted goodies and enjoy! Maybe rubbing the pearl will multiply your fortunes.