Don't Try This At Home
It's fairly common knowledge that Lactobacillus acidophilus bacteria are responsible both for culturing yogurt and for keeping a healthy acid level in human vaginas. It is also a fairly common misconception that eating yogurt or even inserting it in human vaginas is a useful treatment for yeast infections— this is intended to restore a robust Lactobacillus population, but the yogurt dwelling strains don't tend to stick to vaginal walls, and the natural sugars in yogurt can actually feed a yeast infection.
Still, imagine my surprise at this intrepid's inventiveness (names have been changed).
From: Darren Deringer
Sent: Wednesday, November 28
To: Sarah at myvag.net
Subject: Your wonderful site
Dear Sarah,
Thank you so much for your wonderful site! It is very informative, well prepared, funny and stimulating, and I find myself going after my girl friend every time I read it!
I would like to share with you some interesting information, as it was derived from your good work. I have loved to eat yoghurt all my life. I specially like it plain, without fruit or sugar. I just love the slightly acid taste it has.
I also love to perform cunnilingus on my girlfriend, and have loved it since I first tried it with my first fiancée many years ago. I specially love that acid taste, which I find fascinating. But it wasn't until I read your website that I connected both experiences. In your flora section I learned that it is lactobacillus that produces the acidic taste on both!
As I love my girlfriend so much that it hurts, and I want to have her in everything I do, I decided to produce yoghurt with my girlfriend’s lactobacillus. I bought a yoghurt machine, which is just an electric contraption that keeps small cups constantly at body temperature. I put plain milk in each cup, and then with the full and loving help of my girlfriend I swabbed a bit of her vaginal juices and put a small bit in each cup. I then mixed the contents in each cup, plugged the machine and waited overnight.
The results were fabulous! I love the product, which I call “Paige's Yoghurt,” and feel a special loving warmth each breakfast as I know I am eating her out! I have taken a few cups to work, which I store in the office fridge. A female co-worker pinched one from me, ate it, and liked it so much that she is asking me where I got it, but I do not dare tell her where it came from!
For the new batches I do not have to bother my girlfriend, as I just use part of an old yoghurt to make the new ones. I imagine that the taste and cultures will stabilize with time, as I prepare one batch after the other. I will also try with other types of milk (non-pasteurised, fat free, farm milk, etc). I will keep you posted on new developments, but I urge you to try it. It is worth the trouble!
Please keep up the good work. Kindest regards,
Darren D.
I'm all for people getting off in their own special ways, but this still struck terror into my heart. (Take a moment to visualize that coworker, and everything that was growing in that yogurt that wasn't Lactobacillus.)
Lactobacillus may be the most famous vaginal inhabitant, but according to The V Book: A Doctor's Guide to Complete Vulvovaginal Health the population of a healthy vagina can also include any of E. coli, Candida albicans, Stapholococcus aureus and epidermis, Gardenerella, Bacteroides, Streptococcus B, and Corynebacterium, just for starters.
Who knows which mighty microbe would dominate after being incubated in warm milk? Recipes for homemade yogurt generally insist that equipment should be at least partly sterilized and the yogurt protected from contamination. Some contaminating microbes will alter the taste of the yogurt, others will not. Some will give you, say, a thrush infection, and some won't.
I'm really not sure what to feel for that greedy but unwitting co-worker.
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